Frequently Asked Questions

Below are a few questions we are most frequently asked as Imago practitioners.  We hope you find the information useful as you explore how Imago can support you and your relationship. Should you require any further information please feel free to contact us or speak directly to a Therapist near you.

What is different about Imago therapy from other relationship therapy models?

The fundamental differences are simply:-

  • That all conversations are held using the Imago Dialogue.
  • Your therapist will become more of a coach as they teach you and your partner the dialogue processes and guide you through them.
  • Conflict is seen as a growth opportunity rather than a problem.
  • Unlike most conventional therapies you will face each other (not the therapist) as dialogues take place between you and your partner.
  • The Imago Dialogue is portable – you take it home with you!

Most Imago therapy sessions are between 1.5 and 2 hours in length (instead of the conventional 50 minutes).  This ensures sufficient time to engage in a significant piece of work. This will contribute to deepening your understanding and connection with each other, ultimately leading to long lasting relational change.

What happens in Imago therapy?

In the Initial session your therapist will aim to gather information about you, your partner and the relationship.  Most therapists will then spend a little time sharing how they work and exploring the core principles of Imago with you.

They may choose to introduce the Imago Dialogue, through either an Appreciation or a Frustration. This gives you the opportunity to experience the Imago dialogue.  This is likely to take up the bulk of the first session.

Whenever you are in dialogue you and your partner will be sitting face to face with your therapist sitting to one side.  It is quite common for therapists to offer a little time, at the end of the session, to check in what you and your partner learnt and what ‘gems’ you are taking away with you.  At the very end you will have the opportunity to discuss with your therapist whether you feel you would like to continue working together using the Imago model.   

Subsequent sessions are spent developing and integrating your skills in the various Imago Dialogue processes.  You always have choice regarding the content you work with in any given session.  Drawing on their extensive repertoire of exercises, tools and information, your therapist will guide you through the processes. 

The aim of all Imago sessions is to help you and your partner develop a more connected, passionate, fun and joyful relationship!

How many sessions do we need to attend?

There is no fixed rule around this.  It is very much depends on:- 

  • How quickly you and your partner integrate the dialogical processes in order to use them at home, safely and with confidence
  • How often you and your partner use the Imago dialogue between sessions
  • Whether you have a good connection with and trust your therapist to guide you through the processes
  • Whether you and your partner believe in the core principles of Imago i.e.
    • conflict is growth waiting to happen;
    • the Imago dialogue as the most effective technique available to safely and effective communicate with each other;
    • you have chosen each other in order to heal something within yourself and;
    • you are the blue print for your partners growth and healing

  • Once you are both comfortable with the processes, you can attend therapy, on a more ad hoc basis - when you get stuck or there is a particularly charged situation you feel you need a little more support navigating.

     

What is the Imago Dialogue?

The Imago dialogue is the core Imago technique.  It is the foundation for all conversations between you and your partner – in therapy and at home.

The Imago dialogue is a very particular structured process consisting of two parts (‘Sending’ and ‘Receiving’) and three clear and simple steps (mirroring, validating and empathising). All Imago therapist, educators and workshop presenters are training to skilfully guide you through these steps.

It is important to note that the Imago dialogue is completely different to a discussion or debate.  Firstly because it has a set structure and secondly as it’s purpose is to:-

  • Eliminate all negative and critical language (be it verbal or non verbal)
  • Establish an environment of safety in which all matters can be discussed effectively
  • Promote positive growth and change
  • Replace reactivity and defence with curiosity and loving care
  • Slow down all communication to ensure that both you and your partner are fully present, can listen and be heard

Will Imago really change my relationship?

Let’s be honest - nobody but you and your partner can actually change your relationship

However, Imago can and will offer you the most effective tools and techniques so you can navigate the more challenging spaces within your relationship safely and effective.

In addition, Imago helps you and your partner identify hidden dynamics and childhood wounds that impact your relationship.  This in turn offers the opportunity for you and your partner to begin exploring how you can change them.

All of this positively helps restore connection, passion and joy to your relationship.

What if my partner doesn’t want to do the work?

It is quite common that initially one person within the relationship wants to do the work more than the other.  Don’t be disheartened!  Most Imago practitioners would be more than happy to have a short telephone conversation with each of you, to explain the process of Imago therapy and what it can do for your relationship.  This often helps bring clarity and confidence for both parties to give it a try.

If your partner still won’t join you then why not take the opportunity to begin the work yourself by reading some of the books on our Resources page or by attending a singles workshop with one of our highly skilled trainers.

This will help you become aware of your own childhood wounds and how you adapted to them, as well as show you why you picked your partner, your projections and the impact they have on the relationship.

I’m single – is there anything Imago can do for me?

Absolutely!  As a single person you have the perfect opportunity to begin the work necessary for future relationship.  The Singles Workshop and/or therapy will help you:-

  • Become more aware of your own childhood wounds and how you adapted to them.
  • Begin understanding more fully why you chose certain partners in the past.  What your projections were and how they impacted the relationships.
  • Understand the repetitive patterns that occur in your relationships and why they occur.

All of this will help you prepare for a more connected, committed and successful relationship.